thrillionaire:

just spooning my boyfriend

out of his container

it’s ice cream

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

botoxheart:

pleatedjeans:

Six seconds well spent.

It was. It was.

doglets:

sext: sorry just got this text haha. do u still have a boner?

(Source: shaquille0nihilism)

apologies to my friends for all of the the history references i am undoubtedly going to make in the coming year

my post-ap euro depression is kicking in oh my god i devoted so much time to that class because it was so so interesting and i actually really enjoyed it and now there’s the whole ‘i know the entire textbook but i’ll never use this in real life no matter how much i want to’

the struggle

poopflow:

cause of death: second hand embarrassment 

kankrivantas:

highly disappointed i did not grow up to be a main character in an anime

the-lonely-scottish-guy:

‘stop being overdramatic’ they say

‘i dont know what you mean’ i say as i descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist

AP european history was my favorite class wow and now it’s over what am i supposed to do with my life

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stopharry2013:

I never had a “boys are icky and gross” phase I’ve literally been chasing dick since birth

carlyreajepson:

sofalcondone:

I’m naked what’s up

definitely not anyone’s dick

agentgraham:

#no one is more frustrated with the state of the human condition than steve harvey is

(Source: sighsomemore)

roseisreturning:

mermaids don’t have thigh gaps but they can still lure men to their deaths